


yamayama 4 lyfe

by dirdydancing



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, M/M, Yowapeda Au, other characters appear but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 14:30:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4525629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirdydancing/pseuds/dirdydancing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how Yamaguchi formed an unlikely friendship and got to feel up some butts. crack ywpd au.</p>
            </blockquote>





	yamayama 4 lyfe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [salsae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/salsae/gifts).



> sorry the only reason this exists is because it occurred to me that yamaguchi and kageyamas ship name could theoretically be yamayama and yama means mountain so it all just spiraled downhill from there

Yamaguchi Tadashi zipped up his Karasuno Jersey and gulped.

_Oh my god... I can't believe I'm getting the chance to wear this._

Yamaguchi was a member of the bike team, a climber. However, unlike his bestie Tsukishima Kei who actually had a smidge of talent (an excellent all-rounder, though not as good as the current ace and assist Asahi and Daichi), who pretty much had a confirmed spot as a regluar next year, Yamaguchi... well... put simply, he sucked ass. He sucked ass at everything to do with bikes- it was a miracle the boy hadn't died in a horrible bike-related accident yet.

Ordinarily, there would be no way that Mr. I Suck Ass At Biking I'm So Sorry Everyone would be able to represent his school at the Inter-High. With opponents like Aoba Jousai, Dateko, Nekoma, and Shiratorizawa, Karasuno couldn't afford to give some sucky nerds who enjoyed biking for the joy of it a chance to race. Biking was a very serious matter.

But, the Gods had decided to take pity on him. To give him a chance to complete his dreams, even an ass-sucky biker like him deserved a shot at the peak.

Tanaka, one of the regluar sprinters, had decided to try going downhill with his feet off the pedals and hands off the handles. In this tragic lapse of self control (something which frequently happened to Tanaka) he had taken down regular climber Sugawara Koushi, aka everyone's fave senpai. Suga and Tanaka both escaped with broken legs, and while everyone was grateful that they were still alive, this meant that they couldn't race. Cue one Yamaguchi Tadashi being asked to step in.

"Karasuno isn't going to let this get to us. We'll still give it our all to win the Inter-high," Daichi had said. It was the Captain's job to keep moral up after all.

Yamaguchi hadn't missed the doubtful glances that had been launched his way amidst the shoulder pats and encouragement. But inspite of that, he was excited. And nervous. He kind of wanted to puke.

_I need some air._

He walked out and saw Hinata and Kageyama yelling at each other. A familiar, comforting sight.

"I'M GONNA BE THE ACE!!!!!!!"

"YOU SUCK AT CLIMBING THE ACE NEEDS TO BE AN ALL-ROUNDER STUPID!"

Hinata was a sprinter who'd been picked to replace Tanaka, and while he had terrible balance, he was quite a formidable opponent when he actually managed to stay on his bike for more than two seconds and not wipe out. Still, he was hopeless when it came to climbing.

On the other hand, Kageyama, was the only first-year regular on the Karasuno Bike Team and he had dethroned Suga for the position of Ace Climber. He was basically, like, a bike genius (benius?), but he had a weird boner for climbing so that's what he did. Yamaguchi could appreciate that in a guy- climbing was pretty cool.

"HEEEEEEEY YAMAAAAGUUUUUCHI!" Hinata waved aggresively at him and hopped on over.

"Hi, Hinata."

"ARE YOU READY TO RACE I;NM SO EXCITE D IM GONNA TAKE THE SPRIN T CHECKPOINTITSGONNABESOGOOD!!!!"

Yamaguchi smiled. "Yeah."

"Good luck to you too yamagushchi- we gotta prove ourselves now that we've been given this chance!!!!!!!" he jumped 3 feet in the air to add emphasis to each word. "Although," he lowered his voice (not enough though, never enough) "It sucks that you have to be with Kageyama."

Yamaguchi looked over past Hinata (not exactly something difficult to do considering how short the guy was) and into Kageyama's eyes. They looked evil. They looked ready to kill him, Kageyama took a step forward and Yamaguchi steeled himself for death. And then- a hand was on his shoulder. Holy shit, was Kageyama about to encourage-

 

"You suck ass. Stay out of my way."

And then he was sashaying away. Well, if one could sashay in a stiff, broody, asshole-ish way. Maybe sashay isn't really the right word to use here. Yamaguchi found his eyes fixating Kageyama's butt. He had a biker's butt- flat, lean, pure muscle. Not really most people's idea of what an amazing butt is and yet...

_Your ass is the only kind of ass I wanna suck- Oh my god what am I even thinking._

Yamaguchi quickly looked over at Hinata to make sure he wasn't reading his mind, but the sprinter just looked at him with sympathy.

"What an asshole. I'm sorry you'll have to deal with that."

"Yeah..." Yamaguchi looked off into the distance dramatically. "Me too."

 

~~

 

Some shit had gone down during the race. The finish line was at the peak and Kageyama had gone ahead to chase after Seijou's Oikawa who'd accelerated with a cheerful: "See you later Tobio-chan~~" alongside the ace Iwaizumi.

Yamaguchi had been met with the beautiful sight of Kageyama's ass as he danced his way up the slope and out of sight. God damn.

SUDDENLY Daichi was dying. (Die-chi). Not dying in the literal way, but in the bike anime way- he was dropping out due to exhaustion.

"Go Yamaguchi the team's hopes are with you now. Make our jersey proud."

"Wait! Isn't Kageyama the one racing for the finish??? And since when do jerseys feel emotion???"

Daichi closed his eyes and his bike flipped over. Damn. Thank god helmets are a mandatory part of road racing.

Yamaguchi felt... he felt scared.

_This is too much responsibility... for someone like me... who sucks ass... I'm just a good-for-nothing ass-sucker. Wait... ass._

Suddenly, a vision of Kageyama's ass flashed vividly in his mind. The way it moved as his legs pushed against the pedals- rotating faster and faster and-

_Okay, I'm gonna raise my speed by 60 RPM I can do it I can_

If Hinata had been there (but he wasn't because he sucked at climbing hills even more than Yamaguchi sucked at biking in general) he probably would've said something like "PWAH!" or "GWAAH!" when he saw how fast Yamaguchi was going. Fly Yamaguchi... liek croh like burd. After some furious pedaling that belonged somewhere like mad max fury road because of how furious it was, he caught up.

_Tsukki nice! Except I'm myself so ... Yamaguchi nice??? I guess??_

Unfortunately for Karasuno though, Oikawa was there to serve as a launching pad for Iwaizumi... and Kageyama was 4ever alone and stuff. Yamaguchi saw his chance.

"KAGAYAMA!!!! I CAN PUSH U- U CNA CATCH UP AND WIN/!!"d:fs""

Kageyama and Oikawa turned their heads in shock.

"WHo the fuck's this asshole," Oikawa said. "Whatevs, its not like u can catch Iwa-chan now Tobio-chan. I look 4ward to seeing you CRY at the finish line."

BUT THEN

yamaguchi coped a feel

of kageyamas ass

and used his pure joy to propel his arm forward with ALL HIS STRENGTH AND LAUNCHED KAGEYAMA FORWARD

"Damn," said Oikawa.

Kageyama danced out of sight once more. Once more unto the breech deeer freinds.

Yamaguchi felt very happy.

 

~~

 

LATER @ THE FINISHLINE

Karasuno won obvs. And Oikawa approahed Yam

and he said "SO what the fucks your name kid who coped a feel with such force that somehow Toboe caught up"

"Yamaguchi."

Oikawa GASPED.

"TOBIO-CHAN COME HERE!!!!"

Kageyama walked over. Looking angry. But kind of happy cause he won. But still pretty angry. His face did something weird when he saw Yamaguchi.

"Nahf Nife Nice work Yamaguchi. You rly proved urself as a valubal mmbr of the team." Kageyama said.

OIKAWA GRABBED KAGEYAMA BY THE SHOULDER AND SHOOK HIM. "KageYAMA YAMAguchi- I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. FUCKING HELL KARASUNO O C YOU HAD THE CLIMBERS W THE FREAKING WORKD MOUNTAIN IN THEIR NAMES. O C THEYRE GONNA WIN THE MOUNTAINS ITS IN THEIR FUCKING NAMES FUCK IGN FUCK FUHOCDNSI"

Then Oikawa left. Probably to cry.

"So uh... Thanks," Kageyama said. "Without you to push me forward... I probably wouldn't have made it before Iwaizumi-san."

Yamaguchi blushed. He was literally being thanked for aggressively groping someone's ass.

"Any time.... an y timee"

and that's the story of how Yamaguchi formed an unlikely friendship and got to feel up some butts. yamayama 4 life.

**Author's Note:**

> shout out to salisa for being semi-responsible for this by means of passive listening and allowing me to egg myself on


End file.
